1. Leave the office copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 999 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets in McDonald’s parking lot.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions, “to keep them tuned up”.
7. Reply to everything someone says with: “Yeah, that’s what YOU think!”
8. Practice making faxmodem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “CC” them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words: “in accordance with prophesy”.
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
13. Disassemble your pen, and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers whenever someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you like it that way.
16. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise.
18. Honk, wave, and smile “hello” to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
20. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones, and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that? What? Never mind.”
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars, to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital, and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook.
33. Tell your friends, four days prior to their party, that you can’t attend because you’re not in the mood.
34. Send this list to everyone in your e-mail address book even if they sent it to you, or ask you not to send things like this.
35. Spike the office coffee with Listerine. An hour later, walk around asking “Who made the coffee today?; it’s great!”
36. Hum “Can’t Buy Me Love” to yourself all day.
37. Stick blank Post-Its all over your office cubicle.
38. Smile, point at, and say “Hey” to everyone you pass in the hallways.
39. Put “Out of Order” signs on every stall in the bathroom.
40. Call in sick, then show up.
