Irreversible binomials (part 2)

... another thing to note about toasties/toasted sandwiches is the order in which their fillings are listed. In the US, I'd have a toasted cheese or a toasted bacon and cheese, whereas in the UK, I'd be more likely to have a cheese and bacon. In both countries, it would be cheese and tomato (though, of course, the pronunciation of tomato would differ). These are what is known in the linguistics trade as "irreversible binomials": two words on either side of a conjunction (and in these cases) that idiomatically occur in a particular order. So, one says bread and butter rather than butter and bread and gin and tonic rather than tonic and gin. A generali{s/z}ation that one can usually make about such food binomials is that the first item is the one that's more "substantive"--the "meat", as it were, in the formula (hence meat and potatoes/meat and two veg, not potatoes and meat or two veg and meat). So, the gin is the stronger item in gin and tonic and it goes first, and bread is the heart of the bread-and-butter combination.

See full article at http://separatedbyacommonlanguage.blogspot.com/2008/04/toasty-and-toastie.html

Smart comments about bad umpiring

AFL: John Kennedy was asked about the standard of umpiring after Hawthorn had done it tough.

"Normally I have no comment, but today I have no comment whatsoever!"

And Rugby League legend Roy Masters' reply to the same question:

"I've always had a policy of never criticising bad umpiring!"

from uk.rec.humour

Types of Mustaches (Mousetaches)

Chevron

A thick and wide mustache, usually worn long to cover the top border of the upper lip.

Dali

A narrow mustache with long points bent or curved steeply upward. Named for artist Salvador Dali.

English

A narrow divided mustache that begins at the middle of the upper lip, with long whiskers pulled to either side of the center. The areas beyond the corners of the mouth are typically shaved.

Fu manchu

A mustache that begins on the upper lip and whose whiskers are grown very long to extend down each side of the mouth down to the to jaw. The areas just past the corners of the mouth are shaven, thus differentiating this style from the "horseshoe" (see below).

Handlebar

A handlebar mustache can be worn large or small ("petit handlebar"); it is characterized by the fact that it is bushy and must be worn long enough to curl the ends upward, which is usually achieved with styling wax.

Horseshoe

A full moustache with vertical extensions grown on the corners of the lips and down the sides of the mouth to the jawline, resembling an upside-down horseshoe. The whiskers grown along the sides of the mouth in the horseshoe are sometimes referred to as "pipes." Not to be confused with the "fu manchu" which is grown long from the upper lip only-- the sides remain shaven in the fu manchu.

Imperial

A large mustache growing from both the upper lip and cheeks, whiskers from the cheeks are styled pointing upward.

Lampshade

A mustache similar to the "painter's brush," but with corners angled slightly, resembling the shape of a lampshade.

Painter's brush

A thick mustache covering the width of the mouth, usually worn short, with slightly rounded corners.

Pencil

A thin, narrow, closely clipped mustache that outlines the upper lip. Pencil style mustaches can be trimmed in different manners (see below). Also sometimes called a "mouthbrow."

Pyramidal

A general name for mustaches shaped narrow on top and wide on the bottom, like a pyramid. Pyramidal mustaches can be shaped in a variety of ways, as shown below.

Toothbrush

A thick mustache, shaved to be about an inch wide in the center.

Walrus

A large, bushy, droopy mustache that hangs down over the lips, often entirely covering the mouth.

From http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/MustacheStyles.aspx

How to Cook Something in the Dishwasher

An oven is an insulated box with a heating element inside. Looked at that way, is the dishwasher that much different? Sure it has spray arms for water and uses soap, but it is also insulated and has a heating element. That makes it an oven—with a few extra features thrown in.

Cooking in the dishwasher is not much different than baking; you just need to keep the food from getting soapy.

Go to http://lifehacker.com/5478670/how-to-cook-something-in-the-dishwasher to see how to make dishwasher chicken, hot dogs, or vegetables

These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
12. She is numb from her toes down.
13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
14. The skin was moist and dry.
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
17. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
18. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
19. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
20. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
21. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
22. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
24. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
25. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
26. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
27. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
28. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
29. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
30. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.