This is an invaluable guide......for those of you that venture to darkest Essex.
alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item
amant - Quantity; sum total - "Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend"
assband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc
awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost - "That awssya tipped cost me a fiver t'day"
branna - More brown than on a previous occasion - "Ere, Trace, ya look brannatoday, ave you been on sunbed?"
cort a panda - A rather large hamburger
Dan in the maff - Unhappy - "Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bitDan in the maff"
eye-eels - Women's shoes
Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre
garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired - Trace: "Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs at go in the garrij cos it aint working proper"
Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island
lafarjik - Lacking in energy - "I feel all lafarjik"
OI OI! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs
paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport
reband - The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a lover - "I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig"
Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday
tan - The city of London, the big smoke
webbats - Querying the location something or someone is - "Webbatsis me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour"
wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police
zaggerate - To suggest that something is bigger or better than it actually is - "I told ya a fazzand times already"