The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
- Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
- Flabbergasted , adj Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
- Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
- esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
- Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
- Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
- Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
- Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline..
- Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
- Pokemon , n.. A Rastafarian proctologist.
- Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
- Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
- Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men