Diet Rules

1. If you eat something, but no one else sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. When drinking a diet coke while eating a Mars bar, the calories in the Mars bar are cancelled by the diet coke.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you don't eat more than they do.
4. Foods used for medicinal purposes "never" count (e. g. hot chocolate, toast, Strawberry cheesecake).
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel (e. g. milk fudge buttered popcorn, chocolate mints and Toffee Rolls).
7. Biscuit pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the biscuit causes calorie leakage.
8. Late-night snacks have no calories. The fridge light is not strong enough for the calories to see their way into the calorie counter.
9. If you are in the process of preparing something, food licked off knives and spoons have no calories (e. g. peanut butter on a knife, ice cream on a spoon).
10. Food of the same colour have the same number of calories. Examples are water-cress and pistachio ice cream.

from uk.rec.humour