Funny?

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that....2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with death.

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!!
At least I presume she was poor - she only had £1.20 in her purse.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!!
Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I was at a cash point yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown’