English is Such a Wacky Language, Part 1

English is Such a Wacky Language, by Peter Heinlein

There's no EGG in eggplant, nor HAM in hamburger, neither APPLE nor  PINE in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England, or French fries in France.

SWEETMEATS are candies, while SWEETBREADS - which aren't sweet - are MEAT.

We take English for granted. But - if we explore its paradoxes - we find that QUICKSAND can work slowly - BOXING RINGS are square - and a GUINEA PIG is neither from Guinea - nor is it a pig.

And why is it that WRITERS WRITE - but FINGERS don't FING. GROCERS don't GROCE? And HAMMERS don't HAM.

If the plural of TOOTH is TEETH - why isn't the plural of BOOTH - BEETH?

If the plural of MOUSE is MICE - why isn't the plural of HOUSE - HICE?

One GOOSE, two GEESE. So - one MOOSE - why not two MEESE?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make AMENDS - but not one AMEND.

That you can comb through the ANNALS of history, but not through a single ANNAL.

If you have a bunch of ODDS AND ENDS - and you get rid of all but one of them - what do you call IT?

If teachers taught - why didn't preachers PRAUGHT?

If a VEGETARIAN eats VEGETABLES - what does a HUMANITARIAN eat?

from alt.usage.english