I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area.
So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.
She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.
Then she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
To get rid of his old, still working fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on It saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it".
For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it.
He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50".
The next day someone stole it. Caution ...
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call centre.
One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call centre was open. I told him, "The number you dialled is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
He responded, "Is that Eastern Standard Time or Western Standard Time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Eastern"...
A mate and I were eating lunch in a restaurant when we overheard a woman at the next table talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive up the coast.
She was saying she drove a convertible and a blonde girl sitting across from her said, "How did you get sunburned? Wasn't the car moving?"
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car that's designed to break the window if the car goes into the water.
She keeps it in the trunk...
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%.
Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.
The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.
I was hanging out with a mate when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain.
My mate said, "Wouldn't the Chain rip out every time she turned her head?"
I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...
While in an Italian restaurant I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go.
The cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6.
He thought about it for some time before responding.
"Just cut it into 4 pieces, I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
from uk. rec. humour