Q. What’s is swine flu?
A. It’s a new strain of flu, that may develop into a pandemic.
Q. Is this likely to develop into the end of the world?
A. CERTAINLY NOT! Remain calm, this is not Hamageddon.
Q. What should I do if a major outbreak hits the UK?
A. Simple… Dress like Whacko Jacko at an airport and don a face mask.
Q. I hear there is a rash associated with the illness how should I treat it?
A. Get to a chemist quick as you can and buy some Oink-ment
Q. Is it safe to eat pork?
A. Yes! Swine flu is a respiratory infection, just try not to inhale any fumes from your bacon sandwich.
Q. Are politicians more like to develop the illness?
A. No! But they are very susceptible to infections like lying swine flu.
Q. Will many Brits die?
A. Solidly built British geezers will survive anything, only weedy Quiche eating salad munchers should be concerned.